Don’t seek others’ pain as the limbs of your own happiness.

Turkey Vulture - Photo by Arthur Morris

          Turkey vultures are often spotted making wobbly circles in the sky, as they take advantage of rising thermals. These large birds lack a vocal organ and thus produce only grunts and hissing sounds. What they lack in vocalization however, they make up for in olfaction. Turkey vultures are scavengers, feeding almost exclusively on carrion. They forage by smell and are able to use their unusual ability even above a tree canopy. The scent of ethyl mercaptan, a gas produced by animals in the first stage of decay, alerts them to a possible food source. Humans also have a way of sniffing out what is foul and unfortunate – not to be helpful but for the sake of indulgence. Those who have caused us suffering (real or perceived) are the people in whom we’re most interested. Our self-righteous, indignant side would like them to drown in misery, preferably slowly and painfully. But the happiness we seek in their unhappiness won’t bring genuine joy. This fake form of happiness is based in deluded thinking and fueled by our attachment to a memory of hurt. Such a desire only results in dissatisfaction and frustration. Authentic happiness, on the other hand, is self-generating and comes from an open, awakened heart.

Has your heart been kind? ~ Atisha

For more information on the thirty-eighth slogan, go here.

Slogan Thirty-eight

Don’t seek others’ pain as the limbs of your own happiness.

From the Lojong for the Layperson booklet:

            Seeking happiness at the expense of others is a common characteristic of humans. Instead of concern, we feel gratified that someone else has worse problems than we do. We are secretly thrilled when a person we dislike faces misfortune, because we believe he or she deserves it. When someone loses, we are delighted if that increases our chances at winning. Yet if something wonderful happens to our adversary, we become upset; the memories of past hurts haunt us. These reactions are built on the idea that we can find joy through the suffering of other people. But such reasoning is flawed and contrary to the purpose of lojong practice. Trying to wrest happiness from such external events will only leave us feeling empty and depressed. If we allow it, compassion can teach us happiness is self-generating through acts of benevolence.

Photo: A squashed crape myrtle blossom run over by a car.

            When I was in middle school, I met Rita; I was an introvert, and she was extremely shy. We developed a deep friendship, finding a freedom in fully trusting each other. But as it turned out, she was one of those late bloomers who gained self-confidence as she got older. In high school she became a cheerleader and found a whole new set of friends. It wasn’t that Rita became snobby or mean; her time schedule just didn't allow her any free time for us to hang out. I was resentful of her new popularity status and the life she now led. If I learned she and a boyfriend had broken up or that she struggled in a particular class, I was delighted. But when something good happened to her, it made me burn with envy and anger. Have you ever seen a dog choke collar that tightens around the neck if pulled? I lived my life that way with her unknowingly holding the leash. I was miserable until I finally took responsibility for my own joy. What a relief it was to realize I could take off that collar!