Slogan Thirty-six

Don’t act with a twist.

From the Lojong for the Layperson booklet:

            At times we get caught in the illusion that our spiritual practice is like a stock exchange. We may perform a generous act or grant our forgiveness to someone, but underneath, we expect to be repaid in some way. The “twist” spoken of in this slogan refers to those ulterior motives. We want people to think we’re a great person instead of doing benevolent deeds for the sake of kindness. We crave acknowledgement and admiration for our efforts. In reality, it may be impossible to be completely unselfish without looking for some payoff. But we can keep a check on our motivations and be aware of how we crave respect and honor. We can choose to train not for a reward, but because it is the better way to live.

Photo: Tendril of a Smilax vine used to help it climb other plants or supports.

          I mailed a surprise package to some friends over the holidays, and thanks to the USPS tracking service, I knew exactly the day it was delivered. Excitedly I waited to hear from them, but days passed with no "thank-you" note, call or email. As the days turned to weeks, my joyful mood changed to righteous indignation. I became angry at the same people I had originally desired to make happy. What could cause such an emotional about-face? The knot in my knickers was the result of my own expectations. Instead of enjoying the fun behind the intended surprise, I spoiled it through anticipation built on assumptions. In a 2004 New York Times Magazine interview, physicist Stephen Hawking was asked how he kept his spirits up since his life was drastically altered at age 21 by an incurable motor-neuron disease. He replied, "My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus." I need to be aware of the twists I add to my actions, or I may miss out on those bonuses.