Slogan Thirty-one

Don’t malign others.

From the Lojong for the Layperson booklet:

            Our words carry great power, and we need to be sensitive to how we use them in expressing ourselves. There is often a huge chasm between what we say and what is heard, especially when the words we say involve criticism or judgment. To malign someone means to speak about them in a spiteful way – in other words, with an intention to harm. This slogan encourages us to refrain from deliberately hurting someone by what we say to them or about them. The Victorian poet Mary Ann Pietzer advised considering three things before we open our mouths: “Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”

Photo: Ganoderma lucidum – a wood-decaying bracket fungus on an oak tree.

          Not too long ago, I replaced some worn-out furniture in my den with new pieces – two chairs, a couch and a bookcase. When the old furniture was removed, there were imprints on the carpet from where the pieces had rested. No amount of vacuuming seemed to raise the fibers again; they are a permanent reminder of what was there. Angry words, gossip, unfounded accusations or cruel taunts are all ways my words can malign others. No matter how many times I apologize, make amends, and try to right what was wrong, they still leave an indelible impression on the person I’ve harmed. When I’ve been on the receiving end of such injury, I tend to want to protect myself rather than be open and vulnerable around that person. My trust has been betrayed, and I am hesitant to expose myself. I wonder how many people I have damaged in this way, who feel they must stay guarded around me? Like the divots in the carpet, my words can have long-term consequences, and I should choose them with care.