Don't ponder others.

Bluebird - Photo by Cloe Poisson

          During the spring and summer months, it's not uncommon to see the side-view mirrors of cars adorned with garbage bags or cut-off shirt sleeves. This warm weather look is due to the nesting of songbirds. The males stake out their territory by flashing their bright feathers and singing from high among the trees. But occasionally an interloper will appear who refuses to respect boundaries, even when met with a direct attack. The problem is one of perception; the intruder is really the male's own reflection, not another bird. The twenty-sixth slogan advises us not to ponder others for the same reason. What we think we understand about another's motives is likely a reflection of our own mind. The assumptions we make about the intentions of another person is based on our analysis of their actions. Logic and reasoning will never give us an actual view inside their mind or heart; it's probable that what we imagine to be true is wrong. We'd be better off paying attention to the feathering of our own 'nest' instead of trying to figure out someone else.

We judge ourselves by our intentions; we judge others by the effects of their actions on us. ~ Jack Himmelstein

For more information on the twenty-sixth slogan, go here.

Slogan Twenty-six

Don’t ponder others.

From the Lojong for the Layperson booklet: 

            Focusing on the affairs of other people can be an entertaining way to distract ourselves from our own shortcomings. We become obsessed with their lives, often enjoying their small misfortunes and failures while forgetting our own practice. Highlighting the faults of others, we compare them to ourselves. We use what we imagine we find as a way to make ourselves feel superior and virtuous. This slogan reminds us to mind our own business. We can barely understand ourselves - how could we know what is in the heart and mind of another person? As soon as we notice ourselves becoming preoccupied with another person, we redirect our attention to something else. When we are not afraid to uncover our own flaws, we'll have no need to compare ourselves to someone else.

Photo: A variety of maple leaves and one sweetgum leaf.

            I looked up the word “ponder” on dictionary.com and found that it means “to weigh carefully in the mind; consider thoughtfully.” Now that doesn't sound like anything you shouldn't do, right? And even if I’m thinking, “That haircut really doesn't do her any favors” or “I can’t believe he’s checking his texts during meditation,” I’m not saying it out loud. So where’s the harm? Let me explain by telling you about our old, metal outdoor swing. Having been exposed to the weather over the years, it showed severe signs of rust. Yet I didn't want to put much effort into making it look better, so I bought some outdoor spray paint and gave it a coat. It looked good for a week or so, but then the rust started showing through the paint again. I should have first used a wire brush to scrub off the flaking paint and rust. Then I could have applied primer and a few coats of paint. “Pondering” other people means I’m pointing out their faults while I spray a coat of paint over mine. But trying to hide my own faults this way just creates more rust instead of getting rid of it. The only way to transform my life is to be concerned with my own behavior.