Don’t talk about injured limbs.

Photo by Marlon du Toit

          Animal behavior expert Aubrey Manning relayed an occurrence witnessed by the warden of a wildlife park in South Africa. His story is a tender and touching example of animal empathy and altruism:

One particular evening, he was watching a group of elephants drinking at a waterhole when one unusual-looking elephant pushed to the front. It had almost no trunk at all, clearly having lost most of it in a fight or accident, or possibly through infection. Such a disfigured elephant should have died very quickly, but instead the game warden watched in genuine amazement as several elephants - one after the other - used their own healthy trunks to suck up water and then squirted that water into the mouth of the elephant who couldn't drink for herself.

Unlike the elephants, most humans tend to be less helpful when someone's shortcomings or failings are exposed. We gossip, making cutting or condescending remarks, hoping to bolster our self-esteem or erase a pain for which we hold the other accountable. Yet we get no lasting satisfaction from our belittling statements, and we create more suffering for ourselves. As B. Alan Wallace explains, "The more passion one has about the faults of others, the more agitated the mind becomes." Lojong training can help us explore such tendencies, showing us the illusions our habitual patterns often hide behind.

Taking responsibility for your own actions is another way of talking about awakening bodhichitta, because part of taking responsibility is the quality of being able to see things very clearly. ~ Pema Chodron

For more information on the twenty-fifth slogan, go here.

Slogan Twenty-five

Don’t talk about injured limbs.

From the Lojong for the Layperson booklet:

          Imagine a soldier who recently returned from combat with a missing a leg – would we even consider looking down on him because of his injury? Likewise there is an injury behind every fault or shortcoming. Our focused attention on the faults of another person is not an effective tool of healing. Exposing his or her weakness only discloses our own deficiencies. Such thoughts also produce worry about what others think of us, and we become wary instead of open. Though we don’t need to pretend everything is okay, we can meet and accept the “injured” as they are with kindness and warmth. Instead of making derogatory comments, we can approach them as equals (as we are imperfect too) and offer encouragement.

Photo: Round holes in a redbud leaf made by leafcutter bees.

            Several years ago I was reading a book called Stone Age Wisdom by Tom Crockett. One of the exercises he suggested was finding a large stone, about the size of a flattened grapefruit, and using it as a reminder not to speak negatively for three days. Specifically, it was to be carried everywhere and used as a touchstone to remind me not to talk in a disparaging, judgmental or critical way about anyone. Now I was a little embarrassed about carrying my stone around at first, because I thought people would think I was some kind of nut who had a pet rock. But it turned out I was going to be more embarrassed about something else – all the negative talk that wanted to come out of my mouth. I was shocked at how much I wanted to join in gossip, make “funny” comments about someone, or prove how much “better” I was than another person. I also noticed a tendency to label people in unattractive ways to distinguish them from another person, such as “Crazy Tony” versus another acquaintance with the same name, “Nurse Tony.” Regardless of whether it was done purposefully or ignorantly, it was a wake-up call that showed me just how unkind I can be.